Alone, Lonely and Desperate for a Relationship

Are you feeling alone, lonely and desperate for a relationship? Do you want or need a relationship? Do you know the difference between the two? Knowing the difference will have a huge impact on who you attract and on the quality of that relationship.  In a nutshell, the difference between wanting a relationship and needing a relationship is this:

• Needing a relationship is based on a belief that you can’t survive on your own. You need the other person – to feel ‘whole’, to feel good about yourself, to feel loved, valued and worthwhile or to feel emotionally or financially secure

• Wanting a relationship is based on a belief that you can survive on your own – emotionally and financially and you feel good about who you are. You are looking for someone to further enrich your life, but not be your life.

Test Yourself:

See how you score. Answer “yes” or “no” to the following. Be as honest as you can – no one else is looking or listening.

1. You’re getting on with your own life. It would be nice to meet someone but you are not putting your life on ‘hold’ until that happens
2. You have a lot of friends, both male and female
3. You are happy in your job/career, and if not you are working on changing that
4. You accept that you are responsible for your own happiness rather than play the ‘blame game’
5. You feel pretty good about who you are – warts and all. You’re self-esteem is in a pretty good place
6. You are learning, growing, taking risks, making decisions and accepting the consequences of those decisions.
7. You are well and truly over your exes, you’ve sorted out the emotional baggage and left it behind
8. You feel in charge of your life and aren’t looking to be ‘rescued’ emotionally or financially
9. Though you would like a relationship, you are not in a hurry.
10. You don’t want just any relationship or a BTN (better than nothing) relationship. You want the right relationship for you
11. You don’t just want anyone to love you, you want to be loved for who you are
12. You are confident enough to be who you are. If someone doesn’t fall for you, you know it wouldn’t have been a good relationship anyway.
13. You’ve discovered lots of good things about being single and are enjoying the journey until you meet your ideal partner

The more of these you are able to answer “yes” to, the more ready you are for a relationship because you are coming from a place of want/desire and not need.

You will never meet the right person or create the ideal relationship, when you are desperate to meet someone. And even if you do meet someone when you are feeling desperate, you are creating a recipe for unhappiness because you are likely to:

1. Make compromises that you wouldn’t make if you weren’t desperate
2. Stay in the relationship for the wrong reasons
3. Not feel able to get out of the relationship even if you know it isn’t right for you

If you think your life will truly start when you meet someone or if you believe that you will only feel good when you meet someone, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed by love – maybe you’ve already been there.

You see, even the best relationship won’t solve your self esteem problems, your career problems or your parent problems. If you put your happiness totally in your partner’s hands – you will be disappointed and hurt when they can no longer ‘hold’ your happiness for you – they are after all also just human too.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall . . . .

If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, people will see you that way too.
If you look in the mirror and don’t think you have much to offer, people will see you that way too.
If you look in the mirror and think you are dull and boring, people will see you that way too.

If you look in the mirror and like what you see, people will see you that way too.
If you look in the mirror and see a person that has a lot to offer, others will see you that way too.
If you look in the mirror and see a person who is interesting and fun, others will see you that way too.

The bottom line is:  The happier you are as a single, the more chance you have of finding your perfect partner and creating your ideal relationship.

Happy singles are people, who feel good about themselves, who don’t see relationships as the source of all their happiness, are comfortable with who they truly are, and are clear on what they want. They are the ones who get lots of dates and have all the fun.

Why don’t you join the club?