Endurance- Sticking with the Programme

If you are dating in order to eventually find a mate, the question you end  up asking yourself after a few especially wonderful dates is  -”Will this be the one?”

This is probably one of the biggest questions you ask yourself.  How do you know?  Is there a formula that will give you the  answer to that one all important question - or do you just instinctively know when someone is  right for you?

If I could answer that one question with a formula, then I would be even richer than Bill Gates and Richard Branson put together and then tripled.

The thing is though, we can ask and do things to help us along the way to answering that great question.  There are some things that you can ask yourself to help you find out whether the relationship you are in, is right for you:

• Am I listening to my gut – or am I ignoring it because it all feels so good now?
• Am I confusing lust and passion for love?
• Am I in this for what they can give me or do for me?
• Am I getting into this because I’m afraid – of being on my own, of never meeting someone
• Am I in this in order to feel loved

If you can answer these questions truthfully, then you are probably part way there.

A good relationship means good communication, with intellectually, socially, emotionally, psychologically and physical compatibility.  But, all these things cannot, and will not be right there from the start, some you will have to work at.

Figuring out whether someone is right for you is a process that unfolds over time.  That’s what dating is about.  That time will vary for different people.  Whats important for you isn’t to be so much focused on the amount of time but to have a clear compass of your own as your guide:

• Knowing who you really are
• Knowing what you want in a relationship
• Knowing your personal, life and relationship values

Over time you will discover whether the person you are dating and their life is aligned with your own relationship values and goals.

It’s also about being  honest with yourself and also with the other person – right from the start.

Researchers at the University of Mississippi observed that couples who found out more about each other after the first five dates, and then again after four months, and continued this over a longer period of time, and revealed more about themselves in an open and honest way, stayed together longer.  They were actually more likely to get married, and stay in that marriage longer than other couples who think they know more about each other in the first few months only.

Not only does it require time, it requires honesty and a gradual unveiling of each other to each other.

Another interesting finding, in this research, was that couples who were prepared and able to argue, without it becoming a major thing, stayed together for longer.  Yet how much of the time do we hide our true selves, our true feelings for fear of creating an argument?

So, in a little summary of whether this is the one or not, and how can you tell?

It all takes time, honesty, commitment to it and plain old love.  Good loving to you all!