Divorcing? Don’t Forget Your Children… A Client Story..
Over the past 25 years, I’ve heard just about every imagineable story when it comes to divorce. Listening to the children who I’ve worked with has been the most heart breaking. They are the real victims when it comes to their parents’ divorce.
The sad thing is that most parents say they would do anything for their children, yet once they go down the path of divorce, they become oblivous of how they end up hurting and harming their children. – it’s inherent in the divorce process.
And that’s why I wanted to share an email I received from a client I recently worked with to show you:
- It’s never too late to turn things around for your children
- It’s never impossible for a good outcome for your chlildren - no matter how difficult your ex might be.
The client I worked with and his ex had been divorced for 7 years. They were still on unfriendly terms but they both could see that their son was suffering emotionally, academically, and was not moving forward in his life. It was even more complicated due to the son’s disability and the residual effect of the trauma of their son’s many surgeries.
The whole family had become stuck in time . . .
Within 7 weeks the dynamics between the parents had totally changed. They were able to let go of their 7 year war. They were able to communicate effectively, with more warmth, compassion and understanding, and they were able to really step up and put their son’s needs first.
For the first time they were able to work on a shared agenda about how to put their son first. It wasn’t easy. They had to let go of the blame game and of ‘good parent – bad parent’ game and they each had to take responsibililty for their part in the toxic dynamics of their relationships. Not an easy task.
They were able to be totally on the same page about how they were going to help their son to move on with his life. They were able to work together consistently and support each other. It wasn’t always easy to challenge the previous toxic and unhealthy dynamics that had taken over in the past 7 years.
I know at times it would have been an easier option for them - in the short term - for them to give up, but they didn’t. They were committed.
I know they felt challenged at times by me, but they trusted me – and they stayed with the process.
They were real heroes in my book.
This is the email I rrecently receieved from my client:
“I wanted to take a minute to thank you for the incredible work that you did with me, my ex and the most important of all,my son.
Before you started working with me, my ex and I rarely spoke. When we did it was short and to the point with very little friendly inflection to our voices. Since working with you the entire dynamics have changed and we now work so well together that our son has begun to thrive! Although his physical disabilities prevented him from certain jobs and tasks,our limiting beliefs were causing him to become enabled by our own hands.
After a few short weeks of your coaching,he has gotten a job, enrolled in college, has a happier disposition, and has developed the confidence so important to be able to stand on his own abilities .He no longer considers himself “handicapped” but “handicapible”.
I can’t begin to explain the feelings of gratitude that I feel whenever I see him or think about the work that you have done with all if us.”
So, let me ask you - are you seriously commited to put your child first?
If so I’d like to invite you to join me for a Free Teleseminar – Divorcing? Putting Your Children First. To register just click this link:
The good news is that divorce itself doesn’t have to permanently damage your child.
What damages your child is how you as parents navigate your way through the divorce. And that’s good news.
Divorce may be the right thing for you as a couple, but it never feels right for your kids.
Here’s some of what I’ll be sharing in the teleseminar:
Research about the potential impact of divorce on children
Common psychological problems that occur with different age groups so you know what to look for
The time frame that has the greatest upheaval on your children..and the window of opportunity – if handled correctly – that will give your child a positive outcome
The tell-tell signs that your child may be struggling and not coping well with the divorce so you can get help sooner, rather than later
Why even the most sane and well meaning parents totally lose it at times – and why it’s not your fault if you do
The most important factor in helping you get through your divorce, with less stress, less financial and emotional loss, and less negative long term impact on your children.
The latest research on children and divorce so you know what you can do to mimize the damage to your children – no matter what your situtation is, no matter how difficult your ex or soon to be ex might be.
Why keeping children in a ‘bad’ marriage can actually have more devastating consquences to your children than divorce can.
The SECRET of what divorcing parents can do that will make the BIGGEST DIFFERENCE of all to their kids
Divorce doesn’t have to permanently damage your children. As a parent - it’s never too late to put your child first.
Your child’s future happiness really is in your hands.
To learn more about what the potential damage to your kids is in divorce and what you as parents can do to avoid that, I’d invite you to register for this Free Teleseminar I’m hosting >> Divorcing? Putting Your Children First