Tom Cruise-Katie Holm Divorce With A Difference

After five years of marriage, it’s reported that Katie Holmes filed for divorce from Tom Cruise.

While there has been press speculation that one reason for the divorce was  a fear on Katie’s part that their daughter Suri would be indoctrinated into the Scientology movement, the reasons behind the divorce aren’t known.

Whatever the reasons behind the split, it became clear that the courts weren’t involved.  It’s been reported that Tom said he didn’t want to go to war with his wife unless he had to, and he didn’t want his family dragged through the mud.  Neither one of them wanted this to be hashed out in public.

And so just 10 days after announcing their split, Hollywood stars Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, according to U.S celebrity site  had settled their divorce.

The fact that they were commited to working together with the best interests of their daughter in mind and they respected each other as parents would explain the speediness of the resolution…

And that’s what makes this divorce different.

Very few people, when they contemplate divorce or start the divorce process, really have any idea of what they are about to go through..

Worse still parents usually have no idea of what their children will be going through, how divorce impacts them, the potential long term damage it can cause them – nor what they can do to help their children through the process.

Divorce has a powerful effect on children’s emotional well-being due to the sudden loss of familiar surroundings, everything in their world changing, and their normal daily routines and attachments being shattered. Their safe, predictable world suddenly gets turned completely upside down. Nothing makes sense to them anymore….

Parents forget that divorce is not a one time event that ends once the judge’s mallet hits the desk and your are declared ‘divorced’.

It is a legal and an emotional process that takes place over time.

The mistake that 95% of divorcing parents make is to focus on the legal process as the only ‘just’ way forward. They believe the adversarial system is about justice and is about putting their children first.

The reality, however, couldn’t be further from the truth. . .

Once you embark on the legal process of divorce, you get so consumed by it that in most cases your children will come last – any honest lawyer or attorney will testify to that. . .

You see, the minute you hire an attorny you are instructing them to win YOUR case…… that means for one to win, everyone else has to lose….

To win, you have to focus on and assign blame and fault to your ex. You have to dig up all the dirties. You have to make them look as bad as possible. You have to exaggerate how bad they are and how good you are.

You have to become enemies. It’s inherent in the adversarial process.

You both will get so obsessed with what you should have, what you think is fair, getting revenge on the ex who had the affair, or wanted the divorce….. you get so over-focused on blame and fault findng, that in the end, the children come last.

You will feel cheated and you will have created enemies with your ex which will make co-parenting a nightmare for the rest of your children’s life. Worse still is that your children will have been caught in the middle and not only will they suffer in the short term but the consequences of your and your e’x divorce war will follow them into their adult lives and future relationships.

The bottom line is – how you handle your divorce and deal with your ex and your children, right from the start, sets the tone for the whole divorce process and will impact all of you for the rest of your lives …

Tom Cruise and Katie Holm, by focusing on the interests of their child, have set a positive tone for the rest of their co-parenting career and will also have saved their daughter from  long term negative affects of their divorce.

 If you’re contemplating a divorce or just in the early stages and would  like to hear how you can put your children first – no matter what, I’d like to invite you to a Free Teleseminar, Tuesday 17th July at 4pm EST (9pm UK). 

Click here to register >>>>  “Divorcing – Putting Your Children First”