Just Divorced, Should You Date?
By admin on Jun 5, 2009 in dating
The general rule-of-thumb is the best way to solve problems is to prevent them. This is best accomplished by knowing in advance what risks you may encounter, so that you may either avoid or deal with them.
Going through a divorce is stressful enough , then when you have recovered enough to start dating again there are new potential risks to be aware of. Your mind has a lot of power over your actions , don’t let the bitterness from your divorce ruin your chances of successful dating and enjoying those dates.
There is always some degree of emotional distress connected to leaving a marriage, but except in circumstances of extreme abuse which necessitate a modicum of professional help, the focus should be on moving on with your life, not prolonging the emotional ties to your previous marriage or your former spouse.
When you are going on dates it is usually with someone that you know a little if at all. This can be an area of worry as there are people in this world who will take advantage of the vulnerable state you will be in so soon after a divorce. It is a tough balancing act between being open and trusting with the people you are dating and making sure that no one takes advantage of you.
Casual dating, that is what you should be aiming to partake of in the first few months after your divorce. Make sure that your date knows you are not looking to replace one life partner with another. This openness will help both of you deal with any difficult social situations you may encounter, it also means you do not have to go into depth about your ex-partner, your divorce or anything else that is to personal.
Sometimes your casual date will try and pry information of a more personal nature, sometimes it may be a genuinely caring behavior but usually it is just a form of nosiness. There are also some people who enjoy hearing about other peoples misery, be careful of these people as they will sometimes try and create drama in their lives and if you are dating them that means your life as well.
We are all different , it can be difficult to know what is correct conversation with different people. Some people get offended at things that others have no problem with at all, it is usually safe to say that you shouldn’t speak about money. Discussing how much , or how little, either of you earns is not a good way to keep your relationship at the casual stage.
Be careful that you don’t use what should be a fun date as a unpaid for counseling or psychotherapy session. The person who agreed to go on a date with you expected a meal, maybe a dance or two, they did not sign up to spend a hour listening to your moans about your ex. It won’t help you get back into a happy, fruitful dating circle if you become known as someone who constantly moans at every one of your dates.
