The Secret To Happiness

Happiness – we all want it and everything you and I do is to achieve that state called happiness.

The media is full of products that lure you into believing that once you have their product, you will have found your way to happiness.

Isn’t it funny how many people shop when they feel low? They are trying to buy happiness. The moment you buy that product, the ‘feel good’ emotions gush through your body – you experience a moment of bliss! The reality, however, is that this feeling of happiness is short lived.

Several hypotheses have been put forward to answer the age old question: “Where does happiness come from?”

One hypothesis that has been put forward is that happiness comes from getting what you want or to put it differently, happiness comes from ‘without.’

We all know, however (and research confirms) that this kind of happiness is short lived. You’ve been there: You’ve bought the new clothes, the new car and felt great.

In a short time, however, the ‘high’ wore off and another ‘fix’ was needed to get the high again – so more retail therapy.

Did you know that wealth itself has only a small direct effect on happiness. In the last 50 years the level of wealth has doubled, tripled even. The levels of happiness and satisfaction with life that people report has, however, not changed and depression has actually become more common. As we get more we expect more so we do not feel any happier or more satisfied.

So another hypothesis that has been put forward is that happiness does not come from ‘without’ but rather happiness comes from ‘within.’ While this might be closer to the mark, recent research shows that this hypothesis is also flawed.

The Happiness Formula

More recent research suggests that yes, happiness does come from ‘within’ and, yes, it also comes from ‘without.’ Research suggest that there are some external conditions of our lives that can make us happier.

In his book, The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt shares the “happiness formula” that has emerged from the field of positive psychology:

H = S + C + V

The level of happiness that you actually experience (H) is determined by your biological set point (S) plus the conditions of your life (C) plus the voluntary activities (V) you do.

So while we may have a genetic predisposition to being more or less happy, this theory suggest that if there are Conditions (C) that matter and if there are Voluntary activities (V) that matter, then anyone’s happiness levels could be pushed higher.

Well, research is now showing that there are some external conditions (C) that do matter. There are some conditions that reduce our happiness and increase our stress levels:

• Noise – research shows that noise, especially noise that is variable or intermittent interferes with concentration and increases stress.
• Long commutes to work – research shows that even after years of commuting, those whose commutes are traffic filled still arrive at work with higher levels of stress hormones.
• Lack of control – in a famous study at a nursing home, the floor in which residents were given a sense of control, residents were happier, more active and more alert than on the floor where residents were not given a sense of control. And 18 months later the residents of the floor given control had better health and half as many deaths!!

The Secret To Happiness Is…….

The condition (C), however, that most influences your level of happiness is the strength and number of a person’s relationships.

A great relationship raises your level of happiness and equally so a bad relationship negatively affects your level of happiness.

Conflicts in relationships are one of the surest ways to reduce your happiness. As Jonathan Haidt reminds us in his book, The Happiness Hypothesis:

“We never adapt to interpersonal conflict; it damages every day, even days when you don’t see the other person but ruminate about the conflict nonetheless.”

I am sure we all can relate to that statement!! So, here is the bottom line:

Good Relationships = Higher Levels of Happiness!!

Knowing this, don’t you think it is worth investing some time for developing better relationships?

Think about this: What influence do relationships have on your life? What is the point of putting in effort to making them better? To find out try this exercise:

Think of two relationships: one that was good and one that was not so good.

• First, take the relationship that was not so good. Close your eyes and imagine being back with that person. Do    not just see yourself in the picture but imagine it as if you were back there now. See what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel. And now take these sights, sounds, feelings and in that frame of mind, think about the future and what life could be like for you.

Take a deep breath and shake off that frame of mind. Get rid of those sights, sounds and feelings.

• Now repeat the process, this time, putting yourself into the relationship that was better. Imagine being with that person as if you were back there now. See what you see, hear what you hear, feel what you feel. And now take these sights, sounds and feelings and in that frame of mind, think about the future and what life could be like for you.

According to research you do have a lot of control of the conditions that will bring you happiness.

Without effort on your part, however, there is only one guaranteed way of meeting the partner of your dreams and that is……..to go to sleep.

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