The A-Z Guide For Successful Singles – J is for Journey

Are you newly single – and trying to get your ex-back? It can be quite daunting to go from being part of a couple to being single again.  So often your first reaction is to resist that pain.  You desperately try to get your ex-back.  You want to get back in that comfort zone that you’ve gotten used. You would do almost anything to avoid the tremendous pain you are experiencing.

Or have you been single for awhile?   Maybe you are getting concerned that something “must be wrong with you” and that’s why you are still single.  You’ve tried all the dating advice but are fed up with the kind of people you seem to attract.  You may feel desperate at times and go out with just about anyone because it makes you feel like you are, in fact, ok – at least for the moment you are with them.

Being Single Is A Temporary State

I was at a party not too long ago and was sharing my vision of The Singles Gym with some friends.  The concern they shared with me was about whether I was going to be a “singles advocate” insisting that being single was better than being in a relationship.

I am not advocating the single life as the best and only way to live.  But let’s be realistic here.  At some point you and I end up back on the singles scene.  The fact that you are reading this is that either you are single or are thinking about leaving a relationship and entering the singles market.

Remember that 95% of people do end up in relationships.  Only about 5% are single – and then only for awhile – those that stay single usually choose to be single.  So being single does happen – but it is only a temporary state. My view is that it’s what you do with your single status that counts!

What if this temporary state of being single could be seen as an opportunity to take a journey?  What difference would that make?  What would be your destination?  How would you plan your journey?

After several failed relationships I made a decision. I was not going to rush into another relationship.  Instead I was going to use my new “single” status as an opportunity to take a step back, take stock.  I was going to work through that huge dent in my confidence that I was experiencing.  I also wanted to get clarity about what I really wanted for my life and what I wanted in my ideal relationship. And for me, it’s been an incredible journey of personal and professional growth. 

What if, rather than lament the fact that you are single – you take a journey that is all about YOU –  of becoming a successful single and creating your ideal successful life as a way of preparing for the final destination – of attracting your ideal partner?

Happy singles, who know who they are and who are living successful lives.  They are the ones who end up in happy relationships.  For some interesting research that suggests that happy couples are a product of happy singles getting together, read my article, “Being Single – Advantage or Health Risk”

Finding the Perfect Relationship for YOU

Finding your ideal partner – finding a relationship that is right for YOU is like any journey – if you want it to end up being a great experience, you will need to prepare yourself for it. Without good preparation, you risk getting lost, taking several wrong turns, taking longer than you need to,  ending up somewhere else completely, or in the worst case scenario, you just won’t get to where you want to go to!

Einstein defined insanity as: “doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome!”  In other words, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got!  If you keep jumping from one relationship to another, you’ll keep getting the same result.

Being single can be a perfect opportunity to really become the best of you and to figure out what really makes you fulfilled in your life.  You can take this journey and tailor fit it to you in a way you cannot do when you are in a relationship.  Imagine being able to plan a journey that brings out the best in you, that leads you to living your dream life. You will attract a different kind of partner than when you go into a relationship with a bruised ego, a broken life and no dreams. 

Being single is like taking a vacation – it won’t last forever and if you plan it well, it will be most enjoyable and memorable.

If you don’t prepare well, you may end up being disappointed.

 Just think for a minute about how you plan your vacations.  First of all, you have to know where you are coming from and where you are headed to, so that you can plan out your route.  A map really isn’t of any use unless you know exactly where you are going.

 Then you also need to think about what you want, once you reach your final destination. If you have done your research well, you will have a clear idea of the type of accommodation you want and how you want to spend your time while there.  

Whatever the kind of journey you want to take, the more clarity you have about where you want to go and what you require, the more likely you are to get what you want. The less clarity you have the more of a mess you could end up in.

 So, before, you seriously embark on finding the relationship that is right for you, you need to prepare for the journey.  To arrive successfully at your destination – attracting your ideal partner – you will need to:

• Get To Know And Really Value Who YOU Are 
• Get More Clarity About What You Want From Life
• Understand What You Really Want From A Relationship

We are fortunate to live in a time when there is so much more flexibility to the kinds of relationships we can have.  Friendship, dating, open relationships, long term relationships, long distance relationships, or committed relationships — we are free to choose the kind of relationships that we want.

As you move towards your destination – do enjoy the journey along the way.  Be open to new experiences – you just never know who you might meet! 

“At the end of the day, being a happy successful single

is a precursor to a happy and successful relationship”

 

Susanne Jorgensen (Get Real! Relationship Success Is An Inside Job)

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