Posted by Susanne in Dating Advice | 0 Comments
The A-Z Guide For Successful Singles – K is for Know Yourself
Who am I? What is consciousness? Do we really know who we are? How do we know who we are? These were some of the questions being explored on BBC2 this evening on their program “Horizons: The Secret Self”
Talk about serendipity! ‘K’ for “Know Yourself” was the next blog I wanted to write about, and as I heard this television program in the background while I was doing some other work online, it suddenly dawned on me, that this programme had some valuable information to offer on this topic!
The program started off in the office of a psychologist doing some studies answering the question, “When do children develop consciousness – a sense of self?”
You were taken into an office with a huge mirror and watched a child go up to the mirror and see themselves. After a few minutes of the child enjoying seeing themselves in the mirror, the parent was asked to pretend to wipe the child’s nose and while doing this they were to place a small round red sticker on the child’s face.
The researcher then watched the child go back to the mirror to see what they would do when they looked in the mirror and saw the red sticker on their cheek. The children who reached for the mirror to try and take the red sticker off of the face, were deemed to have ‘failed’ the test – they had not developed consciousness – a sense of self.
The children, however, who reached for their own face to take the red sticker off were deemed to have ‘passed’ the test . It was concluded that they had developed consciousness. They knew they were seeing a reflection of themselves in the mirror.
From all the studies done the conclusion reached is that children develop consciousness – a sense of self – between 18 and 24 months.
The Age Old Question – Who Am I?
So who are you? Do you really know yourself? Who is the person you see when you look in the mirror?
Do you ever wonder at times how some people can be so un self-aware? When I watch programs like Britain’s Got Talent or America’s Got Talent, I do wonder how on earth people can see themselves as so talented – even to the point of arguing with the judges negative comments – and I’m cringing the whole time I’m watching them. How is it I experience them so differently than they experience themselves? Who do they see when they look in the mirror?
Have you ever gotten feedback from someone – good or bad – and you had no idea that is how people perceived you? I certainly have. I remember one time in particular. I had come out of a bad relationship and started my ‘single’ self-development journey.
I was attending a course over 6 months and in the middle of it as I got to know people better some of the men were telling me how “unapproachable” I was at the beginning. One man even said, he remembers waiting for the same train I was waiting for, at the end of one of the courses, but he didn’t dare approach me – I was shocked!
Now imagine if I was trying to date to find the man of my dreams with the vibes I was giving off without realising it? I wouldn’t have had a hope in hell really, would I?
It reminds me every time I meet someone who is trying to find their “right one.” I often end up listening to their stories about how awful the opposite sex is, when the reality is that they are the ones still so full of anger, resentment and distrust and without realising it that is what they are projecting. Then they wonder why they get a prickly response.
How well do you really know yourself?
- Do you know what drives you?
- Do you really know what’s important to you?
- Are you aware of your “baggage”? By the way, those who say they don’t have any- usually have the most J
- Are you aware of your core values?
- Are you aware of your inner strengths?
- Are you aware of how you come across to others?
- Do you know why you react the way you do to certain situations?
- Do you really know what gives you meaning in your life?
- Are you really clear about what make you happy?
- Are you aware of how you sabotage your life and relationships?
- Do you know what limiting beliefs are getting in the way of you getting what you want?
It’s very difficult actually to know and understand our partners, if we don’t even know ourselves well enough first.
When you understand who you are, accept and value who you are, you will feel happy, optimistic, secure – and open to love.
“Real Success, that success which does not turn eventually into emptiness and lonely bitterness, is based upon the creation of the Successful Self. Such a creation is possible for all of us.”
Dorothy Rowe (The Successful Self, p 16)
If you want successful relationships, it all starts with a successful relationship with yourself! And it is possible – no matter what your background. You can’t change the story of your past, but you can choose to be the author of how you will finish your story – and that’s great news!
“Success in love, like success in business, depends on a healthy self-esteem and huge amounts of self-knowledge”
Nicola Cairncross (The Money Gym) in
