The A-Z Guide For Successful Singles – “Q” is for ‘Quest’

Are you single and unhappy about it?  Fed up with the dating advice that doesn’t seem to work?  Discouraged that you didn’t find the love of your life in 2009?  Want to but don’t dare to believe that 2010 will be the year you finally meet your perfect partner?  Are you feeling bad for feeling bad about it all?

While it doesn’t feel nice to feel bad – those feelings may be just the turning point for something better for you if you learn how to use those feelings in a positive way.  Using those ‘negative’ feelings as message that something needs addressing, changing, or rebalancing could be the first step to a new journey for you as you step into the New Year.  That is what a ‘Quest’ is – “the act of searching for something.” 

You see, often it’s not until we feel some pain that we start, for the first time, to pause and ask ourselves the all important question – “what do I really want?”  And sometimes it’s not until the pain gets sooooo bad that we change direction, step out of our comfort zones, push past our fears, try something different or finally resolve to go 100% for what we want.   But you don’t have to wait until the pain gets unbearable. 

I liken our ‘negative’ feelings to the lights on the dashboard of your car.  When a light starts flashing – you don’t smash the light or cover it up or ignore it (if you do, you know you will be in trouble later!).  You recognise that the flashing light is a warning to you that something needs checking. 

It’s the same with feelings – they are messengers to tell you something in your life needs sorting.

Acknowledging your pain and what you don’t want, what you are fed up with and what you are discouraged about is the first of three steps to transforming your pain and getting clarity about your ‘quest’ or what you are searching for.

 Transforming Your Pain:

• Without attaching any judgement to your feelings, just start noticing whatever you feel as a message that something in your life needs addressing – whether it be your career, your environment, your love life or anything else.
• Write down what you don’t want, what you are unhappy about, what you don’t like and what you are fed up with.
• Now turn all these statements into a statement about what you do want.  This is often harder for people than they first think.  You may need several attempts at this but keep at it and don’t find reasons for telling yourself that what you want is not possible.  That is a limiting belief.  Anything is possible and if you don’t believe that – get some coaching, read books about the extraordinary achievements of ordinary people.

 “If you can dream it, you can do it”

Walt Disney

As you create your new ‘map’ for 2010 it’s also important to remember not to become so focused on the outcome that you forget to enjoy the journey.  As Miley Cyrus sings in her song “It’s A Climb” from the movie Hannah Montana,

“It ain’t about how fast I get there

It ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side

It’s the climb”

Sometimes singles become so focused on finding that special person that the rest of their lives get put on hold.  The goal becomes the end all and be all – it’s such a set up for all the game playing that goes on in the dating world and all the unhappiness and havoc that creates.

Immerse yourself in the journey and as you do, you become more confident, your life becomes more interesting, you have amazing experiences, you meet people you would never have dreamed of, you become more attractive and you are more likely to meet that special person.