In The News: A First Date Is Tough These Days

The paper on The Sexualisation of Young People that’s causing such intense discussion at the moment gives us a lot to think about, whatever your take on its findings.

Certainly, looking at the current liberal attitude to sexuality in the media – from seemingly harmless pop videos and the omnipresence of Katie Price to the availability of all kinds of material online – those of my generation have cause to worry about the kind of impact these influences might have on the younger generation.

When I think of my best dates, they’ve all been with people who’ve utterly respected my limits and my preferences. When I was younger, the watershed was active (and properly recognized), and technology was so alien to the kind of stuff that’s available on the market now. We couldn’t text one another, skype or msn our friends or even hook up with each other on the internet in those days. It hadn’t been invented yet, after all.

Were we worse off for not having these innovations? Perhaps not. Perhaps this reliance on other, more established sources for our values and our perception of one-another actually gave us more of a coherent understanding of the world, where children today are receiving jumbled, confused and confusing messages from sources that can’t be said to be as reliable.

I’m not saying that things were better in my day, nor am I looking at the past through rose-tinted spectacles. Things weren’t better across the board before the rise of the web or the spread of tabloid culture. A lot of the old principles were outright wrong. There was a huge intolerance, for example of faiths, religions and cultures different to our own, that it would be foolish to go back.

But all the same, this paper highlights that perhaps we’ve gone too far in the other direction.  In the report, psychologist Dr. Papadoppulos, suggests that the sexualisation of young people is encouraging boys to become fixated on being macho and dominant, while girls in turn are being encouraged to present themselves as sexually available and permissive.

What I personally appreciate about this report is that Dr. Papadopulos makes it clear that you cannot talk about the sexualisation of girls without looking at what she calls the ‘hypermasculation’ of boys.

So while girls get ‘drip fed’ the  message that what is important is to objectify themselves, think about their sexuality and be provocative, the message to boys is to objectify the girls, be stand offish, tough and aggressive.  It’s this interactional effect that is creating the problem.

Another point I appreciate that Dr. Papadoppulos makes, is that the sexualisation of young people is not a one dimensional thing but that it is multi-faceted issue. It’s easy to blame the parents but the issue is bigger than that and as such, the solution must also be multi-faceted.

The solution isn’t obvious and I wouldn’t like to be the one tasked with turning the tide, but violence in teenage dating is on the rise.  One only need to remember the story of the pop princess Rihanna and her boyfriend Chris Brown being arrested, about a year ago, for his increasingly violent attacks on her.  Oprah Winfrey was so concerned about the issue of teenage dating violence that she used her influence to try to shed light and help educate people on this issue.

So, if these influences do encourage a macho culture among young men and instill acceptance for violence against women, as Dr. Papadopulos’ research suggests, then of course something should be done.

It’s often tempting to look at young people and sigh, reflecting on how you’d love to be young again. But it’s all too easy to forget the pressures they have to endure – and the way the world is right now, I’m thinking it might be tougher than ever.

A first date can be terrifying enough, but I sure wouldn’t want to be young again and suffer a first date – especially not in these times, would you?

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