In The News: Love Is A Marathon – Not A Sprint!

I’m loving this post from Modern Love which addresses the concept of ‘settling for second best’, and really gets to the heart of misconceptions that revolve around couples who have settled into a routine. I often hear this misconception from single friends who echo one another – as well as lots of the singles I work with on a day-to-day basis in my professional role as psychologist.

What they keep saying is that their relationships need to be a constantly exciting source of stimulation.

It’s understandable that the first wave of love, or attraction for that matter, should be an endorphin-pumping state of near-bliss. It’s totally right that you should expect the chemistry to occasionally be explosive in the opening stages of your relationship. And if your early physical encounters with your new partner aren’t exciting you, it’s understandable that you should be disappointed.

But the trap so many serial-singles fall into is that they expect this explosion of feeling to last for weeks, months and years. They can lose sight of the fact that the fizzy and effervescent emotional storm you experience when first introduced to somebody special is the brain’s way of first inspiring your companionship – and that the fact it will inevitably begin to fade is no reason to lose heart, and is certainly no excuse for rebounding away towards another new partner. Because this is the problem I see.

Singles who have recently partnered and then felt the overwhelming rush dissipate, can find themselves in a rut of partnering, losing interest, then re-partnering with another unknown individual in the hope that this time, the excitement will be sustained. If they manage to find that state of never-ending awe, they’ll be extremely lucky – because that kind of intense, wondrously perpetual feeling is extremely rare.

As a single, it’s best to bear in mind that love is a marathon and not a sprint – and that it will involve all the fatigue, anguish and, yes, tedium that this kind of endeavour can instil. But nothing can beat the feeling of having had the determination, presence of mind and self-confidence it requires to complete a marathon run. The sensation that can give you beats the short-term rush of handling a sprint into the water!