In The News: The Fear of Returning to Singledom

The Cheryl and Ashley Cole story has been running for so long now that we’re all probably tired of hearing about it! After all, there’s only so much gossip an intelligent person can take – and if that hearsay and tittle-tattle is stretched over days, weeks and months, it’s hard to muster any interest at all.

So I feel like most people probably do about the whole affair by now – that it’s worth studiously avoiding the tabloid covers to try and ignore the whole undignified story.

But scanning the entertainment news online this morning, I was interested to notice in a headline on the latest in the Cheryl Cole story that she is reportedly frightened of being single.

“Part of me can’t help but feel terrified….(but) I know I’m doing the right thing by moving on”, The Sun has apparently reported her as saying.

I couldn’t help but dwell on this idea – the thought that, despite the multiple humiliations heaped upon her – and indeed any woman who has been cheated on – and despite the feelings of anger, there is still a part of her that would rather feel safe than end a toxic relationship.

Objectively, it’s hard to see why a woman in such a situation might feel this way. When we read about this kind of thing, our own sense of pride kicks in and we feel that the first thing we’d do would be to desert the person putting us through the indignity.

But we forget how difficult it can be after years in the same relationship, with the same person. Our pride can be completely eroded in the time we’re together, and by the time we learn of a breaking of trust, it can be difficult to recall that we have our own identity and are not entirely reliant on a partner. It can be tough to reaffirm our own sense of self in these circumstances.

So even though It’s hard to garner sympathy in light of the masses of press coverage Cheryl Cole has reaped, it’s still possible to rustle up some sympathy for her. Being so secure in your relationship that you’re frightened to leave it, even when it’s become clear that the other party has no respect for you, is a terrible state to be in – but Cheryl Cole can take heart in the fact that the only way for her now is up – to a period of singledom where she can reappraise what it is she wants from a partner and from life.