Dating and The X Factor

I’m wondering if any of you who watch Britain’s Got Talent  or X Factor think about what the attraction is that causes us to regularly give in to the addictive nature of reality show contests such as these – shows like Strictly Come Dancing, Pop Idol and American Idol to name a few.

It seems we’re suckers for programmes that show a process of elimination – so long as at the end of it all there emerges a winner, and a prize for them that they’ve desired all their life.

While you do feel sorry for those eliminated, it is knowing that a winner will emerge that is so satisfying.  There is a similar sense of satisfaction you get when reading the most basic romantic fiction, or even from watching an old Disney movie. I think the thing that gets us hooked is the elimination aspect of the show.

It’s the crucial part of the format’s make-up, because it echoes every aspect of our own lives. We live day-to-day in a process of elimination, changing aspects of our life that don’t suit until we find the right thing for every single element. Apart from our fundamental beliefs (some of which we might do well to eliminate) most everything else is disposable until we find what makes us happy.

It’s a process of “try before you buy”.  You try something.  You take in the feedback – is it working or is it not working for me?  Is it right or not right for me?  And from that feedback you get, you make a decision to either keep or eliminate.   And this process applies also to dating.

For example, when you were younger and first started dating, you might have been fleetingly attracted to the cool kid in your class with the leather jacket and the beaten up sneakers who was known as the school rebel. Then you finally managed to sneak a date with them, but when you got home and noticed the cigarette smoke on their clothes and on their breath, you vowed never to go out with such a rebel ever again. You realised that the rough and ready rebel wasn’t your type, so by a process of elimination, you moved on to further define what your ‘type’ was.

This process continues into adult life, with most people, until they feel they’ve found the right person.  They then decide to be exclusive, maybe marry or live together. The problems arise when you pick someone without really knowing yourself or what you really want. Too many marriages, indeed too many relationships break down because a full understanding, on either party’s part, was never reached of what it was they wanted from their relationship.

It’s one thing to have an idea of your ideal partner’s attributes but ‘relationship’ – is about relating, it’s about two people in a partnership.  It’s about what happens when the two of you come together – and what happens with what the two of bring to the party.

That’s why trying before you buy – acting as your very own version of Simon Cowell – is an essential part of the process of dating.

I’m not suggesting you need to run out there and start trialling every kind of person from every kind of background – though you might be surprised. But what I am saying is that it doesn’t hurt to date a variety of people, talk to them about their habits, likes and dislikes and check out what happens when the two of you come together.

Dating provides a way for you to get to know others – of course – but it also provides a means for you to get to know ourselves. Try before you buy – you don’t need to jump in with both feet with the first nice person you meet – two good people don’t necessarily make a great partnership.

And maybe too if you try to date people who are different from your usual type, maybe if like Simon Cowell, you look for what is different and unique rather than the stereotype, you just might just find the one with the X factor for you.