Volcanic Eruptions in Relationships

I’m guessing we all know about the Icelandic volcanic eruption that’s caused unprecedented problems for UK  and other Europea ntravellers since last week. Having lived in Iceland for 3 years and having stood at the top of a volcano crater, I can only imagine what a sight this eruption must be like for the Icelandic inhabitants.

Planes grounded for days on end, families unable to visit relatives abroad and holiday-makers stranded in foreign climes – and all because of an act of nature that nobody foresaw.  My own son is stuck at his holiday resort and isn’t sure when he will get back.  Not that I really do feel sorry for him – being stuck on a sailship in the Virgin Islands – I mean, it could be worse couldn’t it?

It’s amazing, really, that in the midst of an election and countless celebrity news stories that the story really gripping us and affecting our lives is one that isn’t man-made.

But looking at the ash-cloud and the consequences of this natural occurrence, there seems to be an immediate allegory from which we can all learn and draw out a lesson. Because I’m sure, at some point in our interpersonal relationships, we’ve all been party to a ‘volcanic eruption’ – either witnessing a friend breaking down or feeling ourselves suffering from a fit of pique which results in devastation and fallout which lasts for days.

Just as the volcano popped a cork and sent trouble in the atmosphere, with far reaching effects for many people,   we can all reach a point where all that has been quietly simmering underneath, suddenly gets triggered and when that happens, we too are going to explode with all the force of the Eyjafjallajoekull volcano.

And just as that unpronounceable mount has left Europe in such a financial and practical mess, our own eruptions can also cause problems for countless people. Wrong words, spoken in haste can similarly leave our friends stranded, feeling helpless, as they wait for us to readjust and begin to feel better. Just as British Airways’ share prices plummet, our own sense of self worth can drop as we realize we’ve left ourselves vulnerable after revealing our true feelings, distorted through our own anger. And just as the government are feeling embarrassed that they hadn’t foreseen this massive event, we end up feeling that we humiliated ourselves, wondering what we can do to make amends.

Sometimes it feels like there is no way to predict or to  prevent ourselves from blowing up when outside forces seem to round on us, forcing us to take an aggressive stand against a perceived slight. While an eruption now and then is part of us being human, if this is a regular occurrence that impinges on out lives, we can receive psychological help.  Once the eruption happens – it’s too late.  The damage is done and the job is to clear up the debris of the aftermath – with some effects being permanent.

The best way to stop ourselves from suffering these bad reactions is to:

• Know yourself and know what your ‘trigger’ points are
• Think through your feelings – call a time out –  before reacting
• Keep clearing negative emotions, baggage and past hurts so they don’t build up pressure

Knowing your own weaknesses can reap huge rewards when in a confrontation, and very often leads to a dignified silence instead of a troublesome eruption.