Lessons From Fergie – Coming To Terms With Our Failings

Obviously, the big news about Sarah Ferguson, in case you’ve been living under a rock – and who could blame you if you chose to (the news can be so depressing)! – has been the headlines she received recently for the whole Prince Andrew incident.

The details in summary go something like this. The News of the World approached the Duchess of York undercover, and she offered them ‘access’ to Prince Andrew for a fee of £500,000 – a proposition which would break several laws and royal protocols if her offer had been accepted.

But as this was a tabloid sting, all she received was her own image on the front of the newspapers and a video of the exchange going viral all over the internet. Undoubtedly she was on dangerous territory, but there’s an element of entrapment here. Beyond that, the rights and wrongs of the whole incident are not what I’d like to focus on.

The sorry affair brought to my mind the approach we all have when we make mistakes, sometimes under duress. If we are financially broke, or in emotional turmoil, we might turn to misadventure to cure our woes, and it’s something we’re all vulnerable to.

The celebrity method of making amends appears to be appearing on Oprah, giving a full, frank interview in the very paper that first set us up, and reviving a media career from the ground up with humble appearances on reality TV.

But what about those of us who make mistakes and don’t have access to the ears of news broadcasters or journalists? How do we make amends in the real world, where our actions have had a real effect on real people?

There’s no hard and fast solution, but your first action should be to freeze – stop for a while.  You must stop and think through your options. Think positively about ways you can make up for your misdoings and write a list of things you must do to ensure you never indulge in similar behaviour again.

Next, every road to closure opens with a sincere apology. A sincere, genuine apology can do wonders not only for the injured party, but also for your own self-esteem.

Sincere and genuine are the key words here.  To be sorry because you got caught is not sincere.  To be sorry because of the consequences you may face is not genuine.

Anyone can do something stupid when they are feel they are in a ‘desperate’ situation.  They can get caught up in behaviours without fully thinking of the consequences their actions may incur.  Even good people can do ‘bad’ things.

But sometimes  - no matter how sincere we are – an apology isn’t enough, initially.  It can take more than words.  It may take time and action.

As we’ve said before in this blog, the only true apology is issued through our actions. If you are able to prove through your behaviour that you are sorry, then that is the best means to provide evidence of your admission of your remorse. Once you’ve worked out how to prove that you’re sorry, there’s no better time to act than right now.