When Infatuation Goes Sour

I read in the news that Mel Gibson has issued a restraining order against his ex-partner and the mother of one of his children, Oksana Grigorieva.

Speaking about their relationship break-up, Oksana is reported to have said: ‘The reasons I cannot talk about but it will come out at some point.

‘The truth always comes out. We’ve been together for three years – not one year as people have been writing.’

It always saddens me deeply to hear of a public love-split, and particularly one where children are involved. When bad feeling becomes so advanced to the point that one party feels a restraining order is necessary, it’s really a sad affair for all.

When love comes into your life, it is an intense and all-absorbing sensation. It occupies your thoughts, and you seem to spend all day walking in some kind of daze in which you’re quite happy focusing on this special individual, and repeating their good points to yourself over and over. This infatuation is so addictive, as addictive as a drug, that you seek to prolong the rush and enjoy the rollercoaster of positive emotions it seems to provide.

But as I’ve said before – infatuation is quite simply a chemical reaction manufactured by your body to enable you to form a bond. That dizzying sensation is not the way your love for somebody will always feel. It’s a transient, fleeting phase of happiness, and when it deserts a couple, they quite often don’t know how to handle it,which is why some people move on to a new relationship – they get to experience that “high” again.

In reality, after this ‘honeymoon period’ is over, couples can find their common ground and learn to co-habit and enjoy the subtle differences between themselves whilst learning to be loyal and respectful of one another. They can take their relationship to a deeper level where they can experience deeper levels of intimacy – and that’s what real love actually is.

In some cases, as with Gibson and Grigorieva, a couple can feel a little lost without that feeling of bubbling infatuation. Because it’s gone and they need the rush it provided, anger is often sought as a substitute – and what was once a playful and joyous union can instantly transform into one of petty squabbling and bickering as both parties seek to maintain the passion they once felt.

By all means, enjoy the sense of infatuation a new relationship can feed you, but try always to bear in mind that it’s not destined to forever and that you may not always feel quite so sky-high on your love. Be prepared for the humdrum as you settle down. While it might not seem as much fun, the long-ball game is far more satisfying in the end!