Dating and The Placebo Effect

In the news currently, the world of science is fighting with the homeopathic remedy branch of healthcare, and many are outraged that such a treatment is available on the NHS. Their argument is that such treatments are purely placebo-based, and any effects are down to this placebo effect.

The placebo effect happens when, regardless of the treatment offered – the ‘real medication’ or the sugar tablet – your belief that you are being healed has a positive effect, to the point that really noticeable changes occur in your chemistry.

Think of phantom pregnancies, where a non-pregnant woman’s abdomen begins to swell and she gets morning sickness, despite having no real reason for this beyond the psychological.

The placebo effect is in my view, a really fascinating part of human nature. We can will something to the point it actually comes true.  It’s as if the brain is very obedient to what we tell it to do – which is why ‘mental rehearsal’ or ‘visualisation’ is so powerful and is used by successful people in all disciplines.

The placebo effect can hit dating singles too – particularly those who have been out of the singles scene for a while and those who have been single longer than they care to admit – and are desperate to find love.

As we’ve said so many times before, the brain is an expert at manufacturing belief, if you will or want something badly enough – you start believing it’s happening.  Take that on to the dating scene and combine that with a dash of hormones and a bit of serotonin, and you can be on an absolute high and be convinced you are in love.

Because these chemical effects are so powerful and you so badly want to be in a relationship, or exit a bad relationship or be in love, it is easy to mistake infatuation for love – you fall in lust.

We love to be loved, we want to be loved and it feels good to be loved. And when the brain sends you signals that love is on the way, you are happy to believe that love has really arrived – even despite your common sense or intuition which may be telling you something different.

You become drunk on the idea of love, and ignore that nagging voice and you ignore the red flags.  You hit denial, and then make mistakes you come to regret later on.  It’s so important to keep your mind sharp and your wits about you when dating. There are people who can exploit you at your weak and needy moments.

The powerful dater is the one who is able to take a step back from ‘need’ and the chemical effects and look at their experience more objectively. I know it doesn’t sound romantic – and it sounds a bit clinical but if you want love to last you need to be with someone who is right for you and for whom you are right for.

That’s not to say you should take a clipboard and lab-coat with you on every date. With experience, this kind of evaluation will become a natural thought process for you. All it takes is practice. So… get out there, get dating – and don’t forget to have fun too!