It’s heartening to read that newcomers to the web are largely coming from the over 50s demographic – with over half of new users fitting that profile.

Very often we associate technology with youth, and it’s often tempting for those beyond their teens to abandon all hope of ever getting to grips with computers and machinery that are now so advanced, it can seem alienating. I’m pleased to see that the over 50’s are catching up, and look forward to the point when we’re actually a little ahead!

There are so many uses for this technology, especially when it comes to the web, that it simply doesn’t make sense for the internet to be dominated by younger people. Every business under the sun is available online now, so it needn’t just be those under 50 who make best use of services like online shopping, wiki information-based sites and the joys of blogging. It’s there and it’s available to all of us, so have no fear of getting stuck in.

And with technology comes internet dating.  Internet dating, is still often stigmatised and it seems that even those who look down on such sites are confused as to what dating site users log in for. On the one hand, they can be painted as sleazy places where people simply arrange to ‘hook up’, but on the other hand, it is often implied that they’re there for those who are unable to meet people in the real world.

The simple fact of the matter is that these claims are misleading.  Things have changed from the days where only ‘desperate’ people were members of online dating sites.  The truth is that the vast majority of people who use dating sites do so because they are dynamic, and because they’re looking forward to finding the right match faster, avoiding the silly games of courtship that can spring from a chance meeting in a bar.  For those that are a bit more shy it offers a chance to get to know someone a bit more before meeting them face to face, thus making the dating experience less traumatic.

It’s the connoisseur’s means of finding a partner, and those who pluck up the courage to take the plunge should be applauded.  There are dating sites for every taste just google in your dating site preference and see what comes up.

The sheer task of filling out a profile is a useful exercise in its own right.  You have to think about what you are really like, what you value, what you want and what you are looking for in a relationship – it sounds easy until you start to think about it.

So if you happen to be over 50, then there’s no better time to start than now. All it takes is to log on and start looking!

The recession is hitting all of us hard. Individuals and businesses, are all tightening their budgets because money is already proving to be in short supply, and we’re constantly promised that the worst is yet to come.

With George Osbourne’s promised Emergency Budget on the horizon, and all cuts and changes to the economy to be announced next week, you can pretty much guarantee that we’re in for a period of frugality as we all seek to save the pennies to make up the pounds.

Life on a tighter budget needn’t be so terrible, however. Sure, the instantaneous rush of buying our dating partner a gift – on credit – delivers its own pleasures whilst insisting that lunch is our shout always fills us with a sense of pride and self-worth. We may also feel more comfortable wearing a new outfit when dating, purchased just for the occasion, or we may feel we haven’t arrived unless we pull up in our sparkling sports car, dressed to impress. But whichever way you look at it, these aren’t necessarily good habits. Absolutely, we feel it gives us status and we like to look our best. But it’s also a slightly artificial way to boost our own self-esteem.

By all means we should look our best and take care of our appearance, and we should be generous to those in our company, but splashing the cash has its own obvious pitfalls. In addition, there are plenty of positive character traits to keeping your purse or wallet tightly shut.

Being smart with your cash is a sure sign to a potential partner that you’re a responsible person. You’ll give them the impression that, just as you’re wise when it comes to transactions, you’re probably just as thoughtful when it comes to making emotional decisions. It gives off a message of security and wisdom, whilst being a spendthrift can often seem a little reckless.

Also, dating on a tighter budget can be far more fun than your traditional restaurant or cocktail bar setting. Galleries, museums, cinemas and funfairs – all of these things are either free or moderately priced, whilst offering a more dynamic and interesting alternative to traditional dating locations.

If you find yourself looking at your finances next week, scratching your head and wondering where your social life fund – and more importantly your dating cash reserves – are going to come from, just remember that keeping it inexpensive needn’t mean keeping it boring. In fact, it can mean quite the opposite.

The BP oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico is so monumental a problem that it’s looking less and less likely that they’ll find a rapid solution for it.

What’s really terrible and heart-breaking is seeing all the footage of animal life cut short by the slick, and when one dwells on the effect all this must be having on the food-chain and environment generally, the consequences could be dire.

When I look at the news reels detailing what’s going on, and our helpless attempts to get things back to normal, it seems like a metaphor for something else – something deep within the human condition. Without wishing to trivialise the situation (which is seeing livelihoods ruined and a whole body of water devastated), on a personal level, the parallels with certain emotional states are remarkable.

Look at it this way: sometimes -perhaps all the time – we have a dark and suppressed channel of emotion travelling around our minds. It could be a low opinion of others, or it could very well be a low opinion of ourselves. It could  be worries about bills or anxiety about work. It may be the fear of loneliness, and the angst that sets in when we ponder the future in a negative frame of mind.

As it stands, the conduit that carries all this bubbling and tumbling negative energy are intact and, on the surface we appear graceful and everything functions perfectly. But one knock, one trauma can then see all the unresolved, pent up, denied and un-acknowledged emotions come pouring  uncontrollably out, along with the realisation that there is one hell of a mess to clear up.

I’m not suggesting that we should keep these negative emotions under duress and bury them deeper within our psyche. Certainly not… because if we are unaware of our darker feelings they will fester and bubble up when we least expect them to.

Rather, I’m suggesting we should keep our ‘oil pipes’ in check, regularly monitoring our feelings and checking for damage. If we do this in a controlled manner – objectively and practically – then we will see our worries more clearly for what they actually are. They will no longer be some mysterious demon that controls us.   Rather by actually addressing our problems, we can let them go and with no mess to clean up – whether they slowly leak out over time or suddenly spill out.

Start your regular health check now. See what those pipes are carrying, and make sure you’re not desperately close to springing a leak. If we keep our minds, bodies and spirits in check – we’ll avoid a cleanup and the residual  effect of the damage later.

World Cup fever is truly upon us and, whether we like it or not, it’s all we’ll be hearing about for a month or so!

I’m no expert on the tournament, but what I like about these kinds of world events – be it the Olympics, Commonwealth Games or even the US Open – is that they’re the kind of shared experience that make friends of strangers and dissolve boundaries. And when boundaries are broken down, new and perhaps unlikely friendships can be forged.

I watched part of the opening ceremony wondering how many others, like me, were tuning in chiefly, whether psychologically or otherwise, because the occasion kind of demands it. We’re expected to be a part of something outside of ourselves, so we feel drawn in, as though strangers invited into a shared activity.

It’s just this kind of relaxed international mood that allows for greater diplomacy, but crucially for a single individual, it offers a chance to engage in an activity that will be shared by so many other people. It’s an easy talking point, and when mentioned, it draws enthusiasm even from people who usually couldn’t care less about the game.

I wouldn’t suggest readers who previously never watched a match suddenly run out to buy a top and try and snare an England fan. That’s far from what I mean. What I’m talking about is a cultural experience that can be used as conversational dynamite. When we mention a current world event, we open the conversation to absolutely anyone. On a first date, it would immediately offer common ground, even if one party hates the whole thing! There’s a conversation right there… ‘so what exactly is it that you like about 22 men kicking a ball around?’…

When a shared experience like this comes along, use it to your advantage. Instead of keeping our thoughts to ourselves, thinking nobody would be interested in our own passions, we can talk about current affairs – the world cup and beyond – and have it as a great tool to access the minds of interesting people. It’s a real opportunity to get out there, get talking, and engage with the world around you.

Bear in mind, World Cups only come around every four years,  and there’s only a month of it left to run. If you want to get out there and enjoy the buzz of conversation, you’d better get to it!

The Bafta Awards for Film and Television were on the other night and as usual I wrestled with the question of how does one decide who is ‘best’.

People’s contributions are different – is one contribution worth more than another?  And while I’m happy for the winner, I always feel sorry for the ’loser’ – though how can you be a loser when you have been nominated?

The Bafta’s also remind me of the process of thanking people and offering credit where it’s due not only  for our big successes – but even for the smallest things outside of work and industry.

No one ever ‘makes it’ on their own.  There are people all around us who support us but which we so often take for granted.

In my own life, the postman, the milkman, the rubbish man, my cleaner, the company that washes my car, my car mechanic – all allow me to get on with my life.  In my business people that support me include my book keeper, my accountant, my techie people – but how often do I thank them?

Yet, when I hold a door for somebody in a store, I tend to expect a little thank-you. I don’t go crazy if I don’t receive one, but if I do get a ‘thank you’, I appreciate the other party’s appreciation. It’s a show of mutual respect and it makes the world a better place.

I’m sure, like me, you also hold doors open for people, thank strangers and act perfectly politely out there in the wider world. But I also know that I don’t thank friends and family anywhere near enough for the little things they do for me. Things that they themselves possibly don’t even notice!

What kind of thing am I talking about? Well, remember the last time you were stressed out. Steaming with anger about an incident at work, or over the timing of a bill when you least expected it. Remember who you called to let off that steam? It was probably a colleague, or a friend, your sister, brother or your mother. They probably listened to you rage, offered the standard words of calm and understanding, then let you leave the line, feeling slightly less miffed than when you first spoke.

Did you thank them at the time? Maybe in passing, but only as a courtesy or do you really mean it?

Maybe it’s high time to thank them for all the little things they do for you. And nothing pleases people more than a thank-you that comes out of the blue. You could send them a short message on facebook to thank them for their continued advice. Offer them a tribute in Twitter. Email them your praise and best wishes for all the times they’ve lifted you from the mire.

The funny thing is – It’s not only the person you’re thanking who’ll benefit from the good vibes. You’ll also receive a rush of endorphins, simply for being the kind of person who is open enough to give credit where it’s due.  It doesn’t cost a dime and it really is a win-win.

The Bafta Awards for Film and Television were on the other night and as usual I wrestled with the question of how does one decide who is ‘best’.

People’s contributions are different – is one contribution worth more than another?  And while I’m happy for the winner, I always feel sorry for the ’loser’ – though how can you be a loser when you have been nominated?

The Bafta’s also remind me of the process of thanking people and offering credit where it’s due not only  for our big successes – but even for the smallest things outside of work and industry.

No one ever ‘makes it’ on their own.  There are people all around us who support us but which we so often take for granted.

In my own life, the postman, the milkman, the rubbish man, my cleaner, the company that washes my car, my car mechanic – all allow me to get on with my life.  In my business people that support me include my book keeper, my accountant, my techie people – but how often do I thank them?

Yet, when I hold a door for somebody in a store, I tend to expect a little thank-you. I don’t go crazy if I don’t receive one, but if I do get a ‘thank you’, I appreciate the other party’s appreciation. It’s a show of mutual respect and it makes the world a better place.

I’m sure, like me, you also hold doors open for people, thank strangers and act perfectly politely out there in the wider world. But I also know that I don’t thank friends and family anywhere near enough for the little things they do for me. Things that they themselves possibly don’t even notice!

What kind of thing am I talking about? Well, remember the last time you were stressed out. Steaming with anger about an incident at work, or over the timing of a bill when you least expected it. Remember who you called to let off that steam? It was probably a colleague, or a friend, your sister, brother or your mother. They probably listened to you rage, offered the standard words of calm and understanding, then let you leave the line, feeling slightly less miffed than when you first spoke.

Did you thank them at the time? Maybe in passing, but only as a courtesy or do you really mean it?

Maybe it’s high time to thank them for all the little things they do for you. And nothing pleases people more than a thank-you that comes out of the blue. You could send them a short message on facebook to thank them for their continued advice. Offer them a tribute in Twitter. Email them your praise and best wishes for all the times they’ve lifted you from the mire.

The funny thing is – It’s not only the person you’re thanking who’ll benefit from the good vibes. You’ll also receive a rush of endorphins, simply for being the kind of person who is open enough to give credit where it’s due.  It doesn’t cost a dime and it really is a win-win.

After 40 years of marriage, Former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Tipper,  a famous political couple, sent an email to their friends on Tuesday, announcing their separation.

The announcement has shocked and caught everyone off guard and many are asking two questions – “Why them” and “Why now.”

• “Why them?” – after all they are nice people and seemed such a close couple
• “Why now?” – they’ve  been together for 40 years and are in their 60’s

If you listen to relationship experts, they point to a host of reasons why a couple at such a late stage might find themselves in this position.

• Some argue that they simply grew apart.  As their marriage passed the 40 year mark, their paths, interests and expectations changed.  It’s not inconceivable that people’s desires, preferences and interests would have changed enough over 40 years and it’s not inccvable, therefore that they might decide they are better off splitting up
• Al and Tipper are the parents of four children and parenting can be so all-consuming that it’s virtually a permanent distraction from one’s own marriage. When the child-raising chapter is done, people face each other across the kitchen table and ask themselves, “Can this be the relationship that will be my primary source of enjoyment as we go forward?’”
• Compounding the normal stresses and demands of raising four children, the Gores went through a painful ordeal when their then six-year-old son, Albert, was nearly killed in a car accident.  Individuals deal very differently with trauma – for some couples it draws them closer together for others it’s the beginning of difficulties that will manifest itself later on in their marriage.
• Older people have expectations for their relationships now that previous generations may not have. Even a couple of decades ago, people didn’t have the same expectations of love and intimacy at a later age that people now have. Part of the reason is that back then,  there was the idea that by our sixties, life was pretty much over. But today, people who reach 65 are likely to have another 20

• years ahead of them, so it makes the calculus of living in an unhappy marriage even harder to take.
• Statistically, marriages in the late ’60s and ’70s are marked by higher divorce rates than those of later years – partly because people still married very young. (Tipper Gore was 21 and Al Gore 22 when they wed.)
• Al and Tipper were part of a political marriage and that can be tough.  And once the common goals are gone – the glue to the marriage is gone.

At the end of the day, we will never really know the reasons – the Gore’s probably aren’t really sure themselves  how they ‘grew apart’ and most likely it is not one single reason but is a multitude of reasons that contributed to their split.

I think the moral of this story is that nobody really knows the inside of a marriage – and the number of years isn’t indicative of quality of relationship.

And whatever made the Gores drift apart, the silver lining in the story is that may be that at this stage in life, splits can often be much more amicable. Couples at this stage in life may just realise they just don’t have that intimate partnership anymore – or maybe they realise they never had it. But their parting can be a very respectful parting of ways. As people get older, their capacity for reflection grows.

And finally, their parting doesn’t mean that what they had for 40 years wasn’t good and genuine.  As one commentator said – how can you call 40 years of marriage a failure?

After 40 years of marriage, Former Vice President Al Gore and his wife, Tipper,  a famous political couple, sent an email to their friends on Tuesday, announcing their separation.

The announcement has shocked and caught everyone off guard and many are asking two questions – “Why them” and “Why now.”

• “Why them?” – after all they are nice people and seemed such a close couple
• “Why now?” – they’ve  been together for 40 years and are in their 60’s

If you listen to relationship experts, they point to a host of reasons why a couple at such a late stage might find themselves in this position.

• Some argue that they simply grew apart.  As their marriage passed the 40 year mark, their paths, interests and expectations changed.  It’s not inconceivable that people’s desires, preferences and interests would have changed enough over 40 years and it’s not inccvable, therefore that they might decide they are better off splitting up
• Al and Tipper are the parents of four children and parenting can be so all-consuming that it’s virtually a permanent distraction from one’s own marriage. When the child-raising chapter is done, people face each other across the kitchen table and ask themselves, “Can this be the relationship that will be my primary source of enjoyment as we go forward?’”
• Compounding the normal stresses and demands of raising four children, the Gores went through a painful ordeal when their then six-year-old son, Albert, was nearly killed in a car accident.  Individuals deal very differently with trauma – for some couples it draws them closer together for others it’s the beginning of difficulties that will manifest itself later on in their marriage.
• Older people have expectations for their relationships now that previous generations may not have. Even a couple of decades ago, people didn’t have the same expectations of love and intimacy at a later age that people now have. Part of the reason is that back then,  there was the idea that by our sixties, life was pretty much over. But today, people who reach 65 are likely to have another 20 years ahead of them, so it makes the calculus of living in an unhappy marriage even harder to take.
• Statistically, marriages in the late ’60s and ’70s are marked by higher divorce rates than those of later years – partly because people still married very young. (Tipper Gore was 21 and Al Gore 22 when they wed.)
• Al and Tipper were part of a political marriage and that can be tough.  And once the common goals are gone – the glue to the marriage is gone.

At the end of the day, we will never really know the reasons – the Gore’s probably aren’t really sure themselves  how they ‘grew apart’ and most likely it is not one single reason but is a multitude of reasons that contributed to their split.

I think the moral of this story is that nobody really knows the inside of a marriage – and the number of years isn’t indicative of quality of relationship.

And whatever made the Gores drift apart, the silver lining in the story is that may be that at this stage in life, splits can often be much more amicable. Couples at this stage in life may just realise they just don’t have that intimate partnership anymore – or maybe they realise they never had it. But their parting can be a very respectful parting of ways. As people get older, their capacity for reflection grows.

And finally, their parting doesn’t mean that what they had for 40 years wasn’t good and genuine.  As one commentator said – how can you call 40 years of marriage a failure?

Obviously, the big news about Sarah Ferguson, in case you’ve been living under a rock – and who could blame you if you chose to (the news can be so depressing)! – has been the headlines she received recently for the whole Prince Andrew incident.

The details in summary go something like this. The News of the World approached the Duchess of York undercover, and she offered them ‘access’ to Prince Andrew for a fee of £500,000 – a proposition which would break several laws and royal protocols if her offer had been accepted.

But as this was a tabloid sting, all she received was her own image on the front of the newspapers and a video of the exchange going viral all over the internet. Undoubtedly she was on dangerous territory, but there’s an element of entrapment here. Beyond that, the rights and wrongs of the whole incident are not what I’d like to focus on.

The sorry affair brought to my mind the approach we all have when we make mistakes, sometimes under duress. If we are financially broke, or in emotional turmoil, we might turn to misadventure to cure our woes, and it’s something we’re all vulnerable to.

The celebrity method of making amends appears to be appearing on Oprah, giving a full, frank interview in the very paper that first set us up, and reviving a media career from the ground up with humble appearances on reality TV.

But what about those of us who make mistakes and don’t have access to the ears of news broadcasters or journalists? How do we make amends in the real world, where our actions have had a real effect on real people?

There’s no hard and fast solution, but your first action should be to freeze – stop for a while.  You must stop and think through your options. Think positively about ways you can make up for your misdoings and write a list of things you must do to ensure you never indulge in similar behaviour again.

Next, every road to closure opens with a sincere apology. A sincere, genuine apology can do wonders not only for the injured party, but also for your own self-esteem.

Sincere and genuine are the key words here.  To be sorry because you got caught is not sincere.  To be sorry because of the consequences you may face is not genuine.

Anyone can do something stupid when they are feel they are in a ‘desperate’ situation.  They can get caught up in behaviours without fully thinking of the consequences their actions may incur.  Even good people can do ‘bad’ things.

But sometimes  - no matter how sincere we are – an apology isn’t enough, initially.  It can take more than words.  It may take time and action.

As we’ve said before in this blog, the only true apology is issued through our actions. If you are able to prove through your behaviour that you are sorry, then that is the best means to provide evidence of your admission of your remorse. Once you’ve worked out how to prove that you’re sorry, there’s no better time to act than right now.

Obviously, the big news about Sarah Ferguson, in case you’ve been living under a rock – and who could blame you if you chose to (the news can be so depressing)! – has been the headlines she received recently for the whole Prince Andrew incident.

The details in summary go something like this. The News of the World approached the Duchess of York undercover, and she offered them ‘access’ to Prince Andrew for a fee of £500,000 – a proposition which would break several laws and royal protocols if her offer had been accepted.

But as this was a tabloid sting, all she received was her own image on the front of the newspapers and a video of the exchange going viral all over the internet. Undoubtedly she was on dangerous territory, but there’s an element of entrapment here. Beyond that, the rights and wrongs of the whole incident are not what I’d like to focus on.

The sorry affair brought to my mind the approach we all have when we make mistakes, sometimes under duress. If we are financially broke, or in emotional turmoil, we might turn to misadventure to cure our woes, and it’s something we’re all vulnerable to.

The celebrity method of making amends appears to be appearing on Oprah, giving a full, frank interview in the very paper that first set us up, and reviving a media career from the ground up with humble appearances on reality TV.

But what about those of us who make mistakes and don’t have access to the ears of news broadcasters or journalists? How do we make amends in the real world, where our actions have had a real effect on real people?

There’s no hard and fast solution, but your first action should be to freeze – stop for a while.  You must stop and think through your options. Think positively about ways you can make up for your misdoings and write a list of things you must do to ensure you never indulge in similar behaviour again.

Next, every road to closure opens with a sincere apology. A sincere, genuine apology can do wonders not only for the injured party, but also for your own self-esteem.

Sincere and genuine are the key words here.  To be sorry because you got caught is not sincere.  To be sorry because of the consequences you may face is not genuine.

Anyone can do something stupid when they are feel they are in a ‘desperate’ situation.  They can get caught up in behaviours without fully thinking of the consequences their actions may incur.  Even good people can do ‘bad’ things.

But sometimes  - no matter how sincere we are – an apology isn’t enough, initially.  It can take more than words.  It may take time and action.

As we’ve said before in this blog, the only true apology is issued through our actions. If you are able to prove through your behaviour that you are sorry, then that is the best means to provide evidence of your admission of your remorse. Once you’ve worked out how to prove that you’re sorry, there’s no better time to act than right now.