Getting your ex back is all you can think about after hearing a few deadly words; “It’s over” or “This isn’t working for me.”

 Everything that you’ve counted on and known until now is suddenly gone. Your life plans, your hopes, your dreams and a part of yourself feels utterly lost. You are left with a broken heart and a huge, great, gaping hole in your life. You feel like your whole life has been shattered to bits and you just don’t know how you will survive.

Getting through the next 60 seconds after hearing those fateful words feels like an eternity and you are sure you now know what dying really feels like.

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Over the next few days and weeks, you go back and forth between feeling like you are in a total blur to feeling like you are on a roller coaster ride of all kinds of emotions—hurt, anger, sadness, rejection and betrayal.

When you are heartbroken, hurting, angry, confused, feeling lonely and vulnerable, you desperately want things to go back to what they were. At this point, anything feels better than the pain you are experiencing and you would do anything to get your ex back.

You know you are getting obsessed with your ex when:

• You try to find any excuse to contact your ex—you want to get that sweater you left at his house or you want to return something he left at your place.
• You can’t resist the urge to text or call your ex.
• You park outside his work place.
• You drive by his house at night.
• You turn up at his best friend’s to find out what he is up to.

Your thoughts and actions become focused more and more on him…and less and less on you.

 What you need to understand and appreciate is that getting through a break up is like getting through the withdrawal of drug dependency. New research suggests the trauma from breaking up can be severe because love rejection affects primitive areas of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction craving.The study was published in the July 2010 issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology.

 AS Dr. Lucy Brown PhD, author of the study notes:

“Romantic love, under both happy and unhappy circumstances,

may be a ‘natural’ addiction,” said Dr. Brown.

This research helps explain the anguished feelings that can accompany a break-up, as well as the extreme behaviors that can occur as a result, such as stalking, homicide and suicide.

“Our findings suggest that the pain of romantic rejection may be a necessary part of life that nature built into our anatomy and physiology.

When you are in the middle of this pain, it’s hard to think you’ll ever get through.  According to Brown, however – there is good news too:

“A natural recovery, to pair up with someone else, is in our physiology, too.”

Before you read the rest of this blog, I’d like to ask you to do one small thing.  Jot down on a piece of paper your answer to the following question:

On a scale of 0 – 10 (0 being
‘none’ and 10 being ‘a lot’), how much influence do you believe you have over
attracting love?

Thank you!  We’ll come back to that question later.  Now on to the rest of this blog . . . .

The bigggest myth around attracting love which is keeping you stuck – and ‘still’ single is this:

MYTH: You have no influence over attracting the kind of relationship you truly desire

There is a pervading belief that finding love is about luck or fate or about being in the right place at the right time.  There is a belief that some people are are just more lucky than others when it comes to attracting quality relationships. Well I’m here to challenge that myth big time!

FACT: You have a huge influence over finding love and attracting a happy, fulfilling relationship

Today you’ll discover how much influence you really do have in attracting the kind of relationship you deeply desire….. You’ll discover the secret to changing your past destructive relationship patterns and attract real love.

The Relationship Dance

A relationship or a couple partnership is a dance. The dance has certain moves and patterns that can only happen if both parties are doing the footwork. Both you and your partner have a role in creating the dance you dance together.

It’s the same with relationships. The patterns you create in your relationships, the dance you dance in your relationships can  only happen if both of you are participating in the dynamics. As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango.”

You both participate in the dynamics of your relationships – some times consciously, but most of the time, unconsciously.

In other words, you are a co-creator in all your relationships. They don’t happen to you, they happen through you. This is a really
important point and links in to the secret of understanding how you can influence attracting love in your life.

In a dance, if one of you changes your footwork, the whole dance changes. There is no way a couple can continue a dance move if one of you changes the footwork. It either falls totally to pieces, or you end up in a new dance move.

It’s the same when it comes to relationships. And this is really important.

If you find yourself in a recurring pattern – a certain ‘dance’, then you are at some level participating in the footwork of that dance. Once you can understand your part of that dance – you can by changing your footwork – change the whole dance.

And that’s the secret – to be asking yourself “What’s my part in the relationship dances, I’ve been dancing?”

Changing Your Love Story

If you change your footwork in a dance, the whole dance changes. The dance as you’ve been dancing it cannot continue – the whole dance has to change! Do you get it? This is really powerful stuff!!

So the secret to attracting love into your life is about NOT focusing on your ex’s as the problem. It’s NOT about trying to blame or change the opposite sex.

Instead of trying to force others to change – your date, your partner, your spouse, for example – which only serves to create resistance – you pick the part of the dance that you can influence.

It’s about focusing on what YOU can be doing differently. Focus on how YOU can change the patterns of the old dances that you have, until now, been participating in.

The secret tip to attracting love is about focusing on YOU. And that’s good news because that is all you truly do have control over.

Now that you know this,  let’s revisit the question I asked you at the beginning:

On a scale of 0 – 10 (0 being
‘none’ and 10 being ‘a lot’), how much influence do you believe you have over
attracting love?

Can you see the difference knowing this will make for you?

The question is – what will you do differently from now on?

To transform your dating and love life – sooner, rather than later go here>>> TheVIP Intensive

Just think for a minute about how you plan your vacations.　 First of all, you have to know where you are coming from and where you are headed to, so that you can plan out your route.　 A map really isn’t of any use unless you know exactly where you are going.

Then you also need to think about what you want, once you reach your final destination. If you have done your research well, you will have a clear idea of the type of accommodation you want and how you want to spend your time while there.

If you don’t prepare well, you may end up being disappointed.

 Firstly, being desperate is not the ideal state to be in – your ability to discern information is greatly compromised and you are likely to compromise on what you want.

Secondly, I hadn’t been absolutely clear about everything I wanted from the resort so I ended up with less than I would like to have had.

Thirdly, I didn’t double-check that I was actually getting the things I did know I wanted and I ended up not even getting what I had been promised!

These lessons apply equally well when you embark on the journey of finding your ideal partner.

Whatever the kind of journey you want to take, the more clarity you have about where you want to go and what you require, the more likely you are to get what you want. The less clarity you have the more of a mess you could end up in.

So, before, you seriously embark on finding the relationship that is right for you, you need to prepare for the journey.　 To arrive successfully at your destination – attracting your ideal partner – you will need to:

1.　　 Get To Know And Really Value Who YOU Are

Part of the journey of finding a mate is learning how to become your own mate. When you can learn to meet your needs without relying on someone else to complete you, you won’t be getting into a relationship from a position of “need”. When you are needy your ability to discern is compromised and you end up compromising what is important to you.

If you value yourself it will be reflected in the kinds of relationships you attract.　 Relationships are a wonderful mirror – they tell you where you are at in your relationship with yourself.

2.　　 Get More Clarity About What You Want From Life

Do you know where you are headed in life or are you wandering aimlessly, letting life take you where it wants to?　 It’s been said that the best relationships are not when two people are gazing into each others’ eyes, but when they are gazing in the same direction.　 Maybe the reason so many couples grow apart is that they didn’t know where they were headed to or maybe they didn’t realise they weren’t heading in the same direction to begin with – they weren’t gazing in the same direction to start with.

I read a book recently that really illustrates the point of having clarity about where you want to go with your life, sticking to that and attracting someone on the same journey.　 It’s the story of how Terri Raines, while on a holiday met Steve Irwin.

Steve was the Australian who became known for saving endangered animals and even more known for his daring contact with dangerous animals that was witnessed each week on his television series.

This is the story of two individuals who knew their life purpose, followed their calling and were destined to meet.　 It’s a good read – Steve And Me by Terri Irwin.

3.　　 　Understand What You Really Want From A Relationship – And What You Can Contribute

We are fortunate to live in a time when there is so much more flexibility to the kinds of relationships we can have.　 Friendship, dating, open relationships, long term relationships, long distance relationships, or committed relationships — we are free to choose the kind of relationships that we want.

Be clear with what kind of relationship you want and make sure you are clear with whoever you meet so you are both reading from the same page.

Finding the relationship we want can come early or later in life. It may even happen again and again in one lifetime. There is no one right or wrong for how to find a relationship nor is there a timeline that you have to follow. Follow your heart, listen to your inner voice, continue to become your own soul mate, and stay open to love.

Ever been dumped without explanation? 

A new dating app, WotWentWrong, launched on January 24 by Melbourne woman Audrey Melnik, might help shed some light.

People who thought the first date was awesome or saw no signs anything was wrong with the relationship can end up blaming themselves, causing lasting damage to someone’s self-esteem and future relationships, says the  WotWentWrong press release.

Trying to get closure is tricky and one can, in the process, easily come accross as a ‘stalker’.

So WotWentWrong tries to help you understand why your relationship ended, and it does so in a socially acceptable way.

The website sends the dumped party’s request for insight to the “dumper” via email or text message. Pre-set categories addressing why the dumper mysteriously vanished makes answering easier.

Listed reasons include: “You text instead of calling”, “You are selfish” and “You don’t pay for dinner when we go out.” Dumpers happy to ad-lib a little can do so in a separate space in the feedback form.

All dumper feedback is meant to be balanced. So, the form has room for the dumper to describe the victim’s attractive traits. A kind dumper might, for instance, say: “You are positive.” “You are insightful.”

The dumper can also give constructive advice about how to be more charming, have better “dating Zen”, as the press release puts it, in future. For example, the dumper might highlight how the “dumpee” moved too quickly, appearing overeager.

If you want to improve your dating life, WotWentWrong can help you to find out the truth – so you don’t keep making the same mistakes.

Check out the short video >>>>  WotWentWRongVideo

Today we’ll be looking at the fourth question.  It’s not something you ask publicly. You ask yourself this question when you are on your own, it’s quiet, you’ve experienced yet another love disappointment . . .

If you missed the previous questions then go here:

Question 1: Do I Really Have An Influence Over Attracting Love Into My Life? 

Question 2:  Why Is Finding Love So Difficult These Days? 

Question 3 – Which Advice Should I Follow? 

Do feel free to come back to me with any more questions you might have.

Hope you are having a great day!

Warm regards

Susanne

PS: Just a reminder too of the January Special Offer - Join theGet Fit For Love Inner Circle - Gold by 31 January, you can save $30/month or $360/year.

I’m just reading a book by

Part of her research also touches on these 100 high-achieving women, she interviewed and their intimte relationships, specifically their ’selection criteria.’ for relationships, which  I believe spells good news for both men and women.

From the interviews with women she identified to be high-achievers, she found three factors that played into their choices of partners:

1. As the women in her study became more financially successful on their own, their need for a man to provide this security became less important.

2. The younger the women were (in their late 20′s and early 30′s), the more value they put on the personality of men than on financial worth and social stature.

3. The older the women were (in their late 30′s through early 50′s), the more they described the importance of life experience in their selection. They choose men that provided emotional support, household help, and physical attraction. While financial contribution was important, it didn’t matter who made more money than the other.

She found that these women were using four factors to select their mates:

Heart

- Kindness and patience have moved up the list of desirable traits in men.  Many of the women in her research said their partners had strength of character, strong values and spoke their mind with ease. They weren’t “wimps”, in other words, but they just didn’t have the need to be the boss and have the final say.

These women want the chance to go after their career goals. When they come home, they have a partner who is their cheerleader and “knight” – as opposed to their “king”. Their partner is someone who offers support and never asks her to change her workload for him. These men aren’t ‘domestic’, ‘weak’ or ‘dependent’, rather they show emotional depth, compassion and strength.

Mind

Though these women have been brought up to believe that they need a man who also had advanced or professional degrees, they find that their choices become fewer the more degrees they have. What many also have found is that these men tend not to be their match as much as their intellectual competition. 

What they value more is a mate who has an open mind, who is curious, enjoys learning, likes to debate but doesn’t have to win, and has his life experiences that form the base of his knowledge.

Body

- While  physical attraction may vary from relationship to relationship, sexual satisfaction whether it is attached to a strong physical attraction or not was deemed important to the health of a relationship.

Money

- For a long-term relationship, the key for these women was to regularly discuss and agree on expectations and to commit to sharing both the responsibilities of making money and managing the home. When picking a mate, while a stable income wass important, equality important was the ability to change and even give up on beliefs about traditional roles in relationship.

There are many healthy relationships, Marcia Reynolds reminds us, with female breadwinners while the man has his own ambitions and drive.

In summary, her research shows that as women become more financially established, they look more for emotional than for financial support from their partners.

Relationship success comes from the ‘inside-out’.  For both men and women, it means letting go of old paradigms or models of relationships.  It means letting go of outdated stereotypes of relationships.  It’s means knowing and owning who YOU are and figuring out what it’s really all about for YOU.  And while it’s not always easy to do, due to the unspoken but powerful messages all around us about relationships, – it is totally possible

You CAN transform your love live and attract a relationship that is right for YOU  >>>> Book  Your Complimentary Strategy Session Call NOW!

No longer do you have to choose success in life OR success in relationships – you can have it all!

There has been a lot of interest in the Get Fit For Love Inner Circle online membership that I’ve recently launched.

Questions have been coming in so I decided to pull the most frequently asked questions together and answer them for you. I’ve grouped them together into 5 questions.

Today we’ll be looking at the third question:  Which Advice Should I Follow?    There has never been more dating, love and relationship advice at our disposal and while the industry rakes in milions each year, singles remain more confused than ever.

In today’s video you will discover The Top 4 Signs of Bad Advice – which is why at the end of the day you’ve got to figure out what it all means for YOU!

If you missed the previous questions then go here:

Question 1: Do I Really Have An Influence Over Attracting Love Into My Life? 

Question 2:  Why Is Finding Love So Difficult These Days?                                                   

May 2012 be your year for love! 

 >>>> Get Fit For Love Inner Circle

Today I’m answering the second most asked question:

 Question 2 - Why is Finding Love So Difficult These Days?

In today‘s video you’ll discover why dating and love seems so difficult these days – and why, therefore, it’s NOT your fault if you struggle in the relationship department.

Note –  The special offer for Gold Membership runs out on 31 January! Check it out >>> Inner Circle

If you missed Question 1 – Do I Really Have An Influence Over Attracting Love Into My Life?
Go here >>>>  http://thesinglesgym.com/2012/01/17/can-i-attract-love/

May 2012 by YOUR year for Love!

http://TheSinglesGym.com/Get-Fit-For-Love-Inner-Circle/

There has been a lot of interest in the Get Fit For Love Online coaching membership that I’ve recently launched.

Questions have been coming in, so I decided to pull the most frequently asked questions together and answer them for you. I’ve grouped them together into 5 questions.

Today we’ll be looking at the first question:

Do I Really Have An Influence Over Attracting Love Into My Life?

I would love to hear your comments and I welcome any questions you might have!

Are you stuck in a vicious downward spiral of hopelessness, frustration, and cynicism when it comes to dating and finding love?

Do you feel like dating just isn’t worth all the effort, time and money involved?

Are you fed up with the constant let-downs, disappointments, rejections and game-playing that are part of the dating ‘game’?

If your experience is negative and if your views of dating and finding love are negative – if that’s your focus, then that’s what you will keep attracting.

You will descend into a downspiral of negativity, expecting the worst, projecting your cynicism and interpreting whatever your date says or does through that negative lens. You will respond negatively, and in return get a negative response from your date. This, in turn, will reinforce your downspiral of negativity – and you will very soon get caught up in this ‘game without end’.

So you should stop dating. Yup, that’s what I said – STOP DATING .

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome.

So stop being insane!

Stop doing the same thing year in, year out because you are only going to keep getting the same results.

Stop dating – and instead embrace your singleness – for awhile, at least.

• As an opportunity to figure out what dating, love and relationships are really all about for YOU.
• As an opportunity to take a step back and figure out what strategies you’ve been running – consciously or unconsciously, that have been getting in the way of you finding love.
• As an oppotunity to Get Fit For Love on every level so that when he or she shows up, you are truly open, available and ready.

If you are saying you want a relationship, but it’s not happening – then a part of you – at some level, is saying ‘no’. At some level you are getting in your own way.

And that’s what The VIP Intensive is all about – helping you figure out how you are getting in your own way, releasing those blocks, bringing out the very best of who you are and figuring out what really works for YOU.